A Feeling I Don't Know
by ReinaSaurus
Summary: Even after the sweeps past by, he'll never understand, not even after death. Poor Rufioh.


**A Feeling I Don't Know**

He awoke that morning feeling life slip away through his grey tangible fingers...

_"Oh? Kurloz and Meulin are matesprits now?!"_

_"Yeah! Should have seen that coming! Haha!"_

...it was the measly sounds of the gossiping voices that hurt him. He walked the streets hoping to ignore the voices that hushed and uttered around him, dancing in the hypnotic movements of his own escapes from reality. But that day his dream was forced into the realm of realness, having laid his eyes on the two intercepting hands of green and purple.

== ENTER RUFIOH NITRAM

== GET INTO A MATESPRITSHIP...AGAIN?

"Haaa..." Horuss watches curiously at his spontaneous low-blooded partner release a passive sigh from those beautiful smooth lips. Something had bothered Rufioh, had occupied his thoughts while Horuss had held him roughly. Usually the deviant would moan and blush in the most interesting ways but today it was lacking. Rufioh had his mind playing somewhere off and his face showed no lies.

"Rufioh...?" Horuss reached his coarse hand and brushed the slightly damp hair from Rufoh's forehead with his fingers. This action seem to have shook the absent-minded troll out of his thoughts and look wide-eyed at the too close to be comfortable higher-blooded troll. "Ah...w-what...?" Rufioh shifted his eyes a bit uncomfortable from the closeness, attempting to move away at least slightly. Horuss smiled calmly and shook his head with a slight chuckle. "It is nothing, my love." For him, Horuss laid down as the happiest person, his entire being felt blessed sleeping next to his prized love. Being able to fully admit to this treasure remains the most valued and tremendous gift in his entire life. "..wh-what?" Rufioh blanched out a bit confused by the sudden outburst. He only slept with Horuss a few times to release tension and to pretty much try out that rock hard body but love!? What is he thinking about!? Rufioh needs to stop this before it gets him into trouble!

Horuss moved in closer, tucking his hand around Rufioh's sculpted jaw. He leaned in a gentle smile blessing his face where usually a scowl or disgust sat, he smiled this way only for Rufioh and the smaller brown haired troll knew. Knowing that he was causing this usually stoic male to be gentle and smile in such a loving way knocked at Rufioh's playful heart. "You were the one to show me that love isn't restricted, I will follow you with the finest devotion and love your body from head to toe." He leaned forward, the swelling of fluttering love surging his body and lightly kissed upon the lips of Rufioh. Having been used to Horuss's rough and demanding kisses and touch, the sudden turn of sweet gentle movements caught in Rufioh's throat. A memory clicked and flashed before his eyes. A sob broke from his lips, worrying Horuss. "U-Uh? Wait, I-I'm sorry!" Horuss flustered unsure of what he did, he pulled the sobbing Rufioh into his arms and placed his head against his chest holding him tightly. "...It's okay...I-I'm here for you." There was no way Horuss knew what caused his usually spunky and rad partner to cry down like this but something tugged at his heart and he just wanted to be there for the other.

...Rufioh didn't really understand himself why he hurt so much...Horuss was a great comfort right now and the moment those words rushed into Rufioh's hearing, his sob came out more roughly as he held desperately around Horuss's muscled body. In the back of his mind Rufioh thought _'...his body wouldn't be this rough, would it?'_

== THINK FOR ONCE

Rufioh sat outside, feeling the breeze of Alternia dance around him and lift his brown locks behind him. Closing his eyes and breathing in heavily, Rufioh released a big sigh of regret. He should be happy now… No, he IS happy but something is bothering him. He couldn't place his forked tongue on what but it managed to bother him even after 2 sweeps of hooking up with Horuss. It wasn't getting a psycho ex-matesprit angry at him or anything of that sort, heck he kind of doesn't really care about that. Old news is old. Yet, something else plagued his consciousness and in order to figure it out he decided to sit out here. Maybe some deep thinking would help him because god knows he doesn't do that often enough.

"Honk."

Rufioh jumped wide-eyed and heart racing when a soft honk blasted his ear. He whipped his head to look, holding a hand to his ear with a blush of shock, at the intruder of his peaceful moment. "wHAT THE HELL?!" He shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Kurloz. "Was that bleeping damn necessary!?"

Kurloz simply shrugged lifting his hands up uncaringly almost pissing off Rufioh even more. Feeling annoyed and wanting to punch something, Rufioh suppressed the feeling and whipped his head to the other direction. After a few seconds, he sighed. Kurloz tilted his head at the sigh, from what he knew Rufioh was less of a sigher and more of a player. "Rufioh?" Kurloz doesn't talk to this low-blood often as they never really did get along that well so saying his name was unusual. It was way too unusual to the point that Rufioh looked around confused. Who said his name? He had vaguely recalled this voice, it was gentle and deep, something he always liked listening to but never really engaged in…whe-oh,oh, OH! He slowly turned to look to see Kurloz stare at him intimately, and by intimately he meant staring at him for more than 3 seconds. "…what?"

"Are you-"

"RUFIOH!"

Kurloz looked annoyed at being cut off but it only lasted a second for Rufioh to see before they both looked up to a rushing Horuss. A Horuss that looked mildly worried. Rufioh sighed heavily seeing him. "…not again…" He muttered under his breath, only to have Kurloz catch it just as Horuss stood before them. Horuss swept Rufioh up to his feet and hugged him tightly much to Rufioh's panic. "No wa-wha-stop! Horuss!" He stuttered worriedly between Horuss and Kurloz. Horuss held Rufioh's face firmly and stared solemnly into his eyes. "Rufioh…please don't listen to that Meena! I will always love you!" Tears almost spilled from the teary eyes of Horuss, Rufioh stared extremely confused. "..w-what?" He looked between Horuss and Kurloz only to see the other troll gone. Rufioh felt mildly disappointed but didn't dwell on it long enough because Horuss hugged him too tightly to breathe.

== PRESENT

Rufioh didn't quite understand why even after that event he felt that same disappointment. It wasn't until rumors spread like wildfire of Kurloz and Muelin's courtship did that feeling doubled. Even still he couldn't put a word to that feeling…even after death.

_le fin_

* * *

Author Note: Thank you for taking the time to reading this! This is my first Homestuck fanfiction and first fanfiction in a long time so if I made any mistakes please do tell me. I tried to write my thoughts about Rufioh's love life while implying it into canon. Key word: tried. Sorry if this is confusing! I may or may not add to this.


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